Saturday, August 16, 2008

Brazilian Wax Images After

Everything that seemed important to us, pales in light of the unfathomable.

Yesterday morning I received the call that Anke has fallen asleep. Just like that.
It's so unfair.
you had to suffer so much. So much to endure. And all for nothing.
left her two small children and a man
Barely early 40s it has become.
the cancer six months ago, defeated. Temporary
.
Then the diagnosis of brain tumor. As if that were not enough the cancer has spread even further in the spine.
It takes just days to paralyzed Hüftabwärts you are.
The headaches are unbearable and all inoperable.

I have no words.

For you better.

But the children.
The Great's already adopted. How can there still be justice, if the mother, who has fought so for a child to die?

Should anything happen to your husband now would be so my parents adopt the children.
All this is controlled for years. Furthermore, we have talked

on 24 June as the call came that Anke immediately had to stay in the hospital. And then. Only 1 ½ months later it's over.

Hopefully it all manages her husband. The support of my parents he has to 100%. Currently there
is like a big family. All together.

And everything I'm just sorry.

I can not relate there. Can not help. Can only listen when someone wants to talk. Nothing more.

In talking with someone is not here. Simply put times into a cafe and everything to get rid of. Somehow, not feasible for me ...

_____________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________



14.08.

I've met the guy. And there were pleasant moments. Just to sit on the bench. A little talk. A little silence. He wanted to see me again. This weekend. Kissed me.
first I was not sure. And then. Why not.
My LS is far away.
There was not even an approach in responding to my TB-entry. If the statement is not is enough, I do not know.
My Life So the story continues here.

15.08.
came after getting the call from my mom that Anke was asleep.
I feel depressed. Want to cry. Want to talk.
But no one is there.
The guy who said he would like to see me again. Nothing more.
No SMS, no email, no call. But kiss my ass. I'm tired of having to worry about me. But a text that we've also lost interest, after all once in Review.
evening will still come from Munich Phil.
Somehow me too much. But by then I must.
I do not do anything.
Wait lunch that he will pass.
Meet me in the afternoon with Petra. Evening with Jana the wine festival, where Philip is then directly get there. And
. I give myself the edge. I do not want to. But somehow I forget to eat throughout the day. And after the 4th Wine ... Well. Shit went.
And it has brought nothing. I feel shitty still. There just can
life in which one does not distract with something else.
And even that is better so.

trust people.
people cry.
speechlessness and grief have taken catchment.

jumps

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Brazilian Wax Wait Days Intercourse

Switzerland and the Swiss ...




Es ist Samstag.

Die letzte Woche verging wie im Flug. Leider.
Montag ging es Mittags mit dem Auto los on die Schweiz.
Zu W. – einem Arbeitskollegen.
Um genauer zu sein ging es nach Lausanne.
18:30 trafen wir also beide ein. W. kam von der Arbeit und ich kam gerade mit dem Auto an.
Ab in die Wohnung auf den Balkon mit Blick auf den Genfer See – ein Traum!
Nach einem Glas Wein auf dem Balkon mit diesem hammer Ausblick fuhren wir noch in die Weinberge in Richtung Vevey.
Ich weiß gar nicht, wie ich es Beschreiben soll. Aber der Ausblick ist einfach unglaublich.
Wer da nicht sofort ein Urlaubsgefühl bekommt, hat definitiv gewaltig was falsch gemacht!

Enough of seeing into the distance. We drive to the port, go one more round walk, look at the sunset and eat a little something before we make ourselves completely at rest again on the way to Lausanne.

Another glass of wine and W. and I decide to go to bed. It into the bedroom - I on the couch.
night I get on the open balcony door or a visit from the neighbor's cat ... Whether she realizes that Katie is missing me to sleep?

Now comes the interesting part of the holiday ...

The visit to my Swiss.

imagine a time before it can appear like endlessly long is a day when one is waiting for It is evening. That someone back, take you have not seen for over a year ...

At 8 Clock I left W. House - which must go to work so again.
The meeting with my Swiss is the only clock in at 18:40 Lausanne railway station.
I'm going to say after Genève, admire and examine everything very closely ...

Oh - I forgot something: My phone does not work in Switzerland. Either it works, then, that we will meet as arranged the evening before days at the station - or not.

So I am without a cell phone and without Clock in Switzerland.
-isolated from the world in my home and away from a world with time (emotional). It

fällt mir schwer die ganzen Gedanken nieder zu schreiben…
Zumal ich auch nur einen Block und einen Stift zur Hand habe. Nunja. Besser als nichts. Und das Notebook liegt ja auch bei mir zu Hause. Was für eine Scheiße!!!

Aaaaaalso.
Der Lieblingsschweizer (LS) und ich trafen uns um 18:40 Uhr in Lausanne am Bahnhof. Die letzten 10 min. ließen sich selbstverständlich noch einmal richtig Zeit. Ich ging also noch einmal zur Information und überlegte mir schon, was „Haupt“Eingang auf Englisch heißt um sicher zu gehen, dass ich auch wirklich an der richtigen Stelle stehe und warte.

Ich habe ein Kleid an. Ein schwarzes. Schwarze Schuhe dazu. Silberne Kette, silberne Ohrringe. This morning, it all still looked so right and belong together. And now? All gone!
I feel stuck and not nearly as tasty and good looking as the morning.

While I wait to lag behind that guy in the information, I always look back through the glass entrance in the direction of the apparent to me the main entrance.
There he is.
Light pants, matching top, bright jacket. The smile, the eyes ...
everything as I had last seen him yesterday.
I go up to him.
Look at him.
He is looking for me yet.
Then he sees me.
We go to each other,
look at us
kiss.



We talk. Talk and laugh. Tease us. And enjoy.

Together we make our way to the car. Continue for some wine and buy a bottle opener (the wine glasses he has it) to make us as you would a car on the way into the vineyards. Unfortunately, we have to go with our spontaneous idea to eat something with a view of Lake Geneva not have much success. Finally we come to Montreux and go eat there or something. Not with a view to the lake, but with very good talks. I all but disappeared, as was said, what we have eaten. Sorry. Was in fact great. Many delicacies
later, we walk a few meters to the See, "climb" the stones down to the water and treat us with a red wine in the dark. And I
small Schussel -> What do I do? Spread half my red wine on his newly acquired pants. Booyah! And typically I do.
Damn. Without pants we march back to the car. Which must eventually be tried immediately to get clean again.

Eventually we arrive in Fribourg.

It is exactly happened What am I Thursday on the way home was so afraid. The memories disappear. Are simply not as accurate. The words fly away. The images are blurry ... It's not fair!

Have not we create more tonight. There will be showered and already we're getting in bed and fall asleep.

The next day (Wednesday, 06/08/2008) of it is super mega doll designed by:
By Car Lucerne. From there 1 ½ to 2 hours boat ride, bus ride to a mountain and then lift the last piece. Unfortunately, the plan goes not as desirable as from my Swiss.
Yet. I find `it's great.
Area. Er. I do. Everything seems so unreal.
come some point we - and I do not even know "why" - on the issue of Swiss and jumps.
funny topic. No serious.
tease a little. A little spin.
Nothing else.
Schließlich sind es wir.
Er und ich.
Wir kennen uns viel zu gut. Wir sind uns viel zu ähnlich. Ich weiß, dass er in vielen Situationen genauso handeln würde wie ich. Dass er die gleichen Gedanken hat. Die gleichen Fehltritte macht…
Und trotzdem.
Jetzt. So im Nachhinein.
Auf der Autofahrt nach Dresden. Wie soll ich es erklären?! Da ist etwas. Aber was?
Es tut weh wegzufahren. Nicht weil alles so neu und toll war. Es war einfach er. Das Zusammensein. Sich verstanden fühlen und das Genießen. Das gemeinsame Genießen. Das Reden. Und überhaupt.
Wir sind uns zu ähnlich. Viel zu ähnlich. Im Fühlen, im Handeln, im Dinge verquär machen. Im chaotischen Leben, although it still wants everything done right.
I do not think my LS can share my views. I do not know. But I find it absolutely difficult to express as I said here in the words. I mean - I manage not even easy to sort just my thoughts ...

Sunday (10/08/2008)
It's been another day. A day that makes me come back slowly in my "normal" life.
Despite the fact that we have not seen us a year was, it had to be situated just a few days in between.
The trip from Montreux to Fribourg. The spontaneous stop in the parking lot.
The day in Lucerne. The evening on the mountain. The simple presence be. His words. His touch.
know why I have so much of it. And why he knows everything that happened to me last year. Why can doubt me alone so much?
I know I am. Know how I've lived the last year ... And he
. God knows he is not a child of sorrow. I did not approach the feeling that I could be THE woman for him. Solely from the knowledge out what he did last year. As it has with his ex. How he loves life and lives. How similar we are when it comes to the need for affection and attention. The desire to address the partner ... The claims we make. Both of us as well the opposite. Sometimes I can
would like to read his thoughts. I wonder when he sees me. Without having to ask. The small affair in Germany? More? Less? Is there something between us or is it the pure imagination, because he gives me that perfect sense to do without it?

Even if it sounds funny. But he always makes me better. He lets me do it themselves without Zisvermittelt?

Even if it sounds funny. But he always makes me better. He let me set targets so that I pursue.
began a year ago, the weight loss action. Wg him. Not that he would have asked for it. I wanted to. I was so good about it. And then? Just stopped. Today, it annoys me - crazy.
English I go through as before. Anyway.
new resolutions, which are also drawn:

- VHS: (will this week still pending)
French lessons - Learning Accounting (new job) quickly!
- No more cigarettes! endured since 08/05/2008
- business management application: start - Sept. 2009
- English also in the next semester to resume
- Finally, pull the weight loss action! Target: 10 kg 31.12.2008

- meet within the next 2 years for me to decide whether I have a life here really want or I go there where it really attracts me.


enough goals for the next time ...

today. Yesterday I would have said no ... that's my LS. In principle, correct. The LS is in my view, the man no ifs and buts. And if I'm honest, I have every man in the last year compared with my LS. It sucks - but it's just happened so!

Maybe I should try to forget. No comparison. Maybe this works so! Maybe you have to give just enough effort? Maybe ...

Should I tell him what I think?

I think I will really try to vergessen… Zumindest was die Gefühle betrifft, die nicht sein dürfen…

Sooo ähnlich sind wir uns nämlich auch wieder nicht. Sonst wäre ich wohl mit dem Bauchgefühl, dass man es gern versuchen würde wohl nicht allein…


Morgen habe ich eigentlich noch eine Verabredung. Mit dem Mann, der mich vor meinem Urlaub auf nach meinen Urlaub vertröstet hat.
Ob ich es mache?
Keine Ahnung!

Vor einem Jahr wäre ich sofort dabei gewesen. Ohne mit der Wimper zu zucken. Lenkt schließlich ab.
Und heute? Heute denke ich mir, dass das Leiden nicht verkehrt ist. Es waren viele Tränen. Es waren viele Gedanken. Aber es war mit Sicherheit auch the better way. Of honesty.

brief summary of the balance of holiday:

Thursday: bring
LS to work and then 900 km from Dresden

Friday:
Dresdentag. Just me.
evening I meet up with my grandmother and my parents in town for dinner.

Saturday:
Görlitztag (In the Footsteps of the family)

Sunday:
Bastai (Saxon Switzerland) and garden visit

Monday:
cemetery, City, Ore

Tuesday: buy
Eierschecke, going to Panometer to pick up Tom and from: spend 550 km to Wiesbaden with a stop in Friedberg +
to Petra for the first night alone to have.

Sun
That's it.
confused.

But it is.

jumps